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What If Edward and Bella Got Divorced?

Published on July 16, 2013, by in Divorce.

I know it’s too painful to think about and it will never never ever happen but let’s just pretend it might. Edward and Bella do not live happily ever after. As a matter of fact they barely make it out of the honeymoon stage. Let’s take a fun (and of course hypothetical) look at our favorite fictional vampire couple and how they would divorce in Washington state using actual laws.

So its official the marriage is over. Edward had Emmett serve Bella divorce papers because he didn’t want to hire a process server (and technically anyone not a party to the case and over the age of 18 can serve). Bella now resents Edward for turning her into a vampire, even though she begged for it (and it saved her life), and Edward has realized that Bella is a little one dimensional and that forever with her is way too long. Bella has moved out of their love cottage and back in with Charlie, who of course is thrilled that the marriage is ending. Edward has taken his room back in the main house, leaving the martial home empty in the woods.

Luckily Bella was 18 when they got married so there is no need to worry about age requirements although some may question their mental state. They are both residents of Washington so no worries there. So the big issues become custody of Renesmee and how to divide the property.

There wouldn’t be any need for a paternity test since a child born during marriage or within 300 days after the end of the marriage is presumed to be the child of the husband. Although being dead with no blood or a heartbeat… if I were Edward I would question how my dead sperm was able to impregnate someone, but that’s just me.  Assuming Renesmee hasn’t already grown to the ripe old age of 18, custody will be an issue in this divorce.

Bella and Edward will both want custody more then likely, so we can say goodbye to any type of agreement. With the two not communicating and not willing to work together the court will probably have to appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL). The GAL will have to give recommendations as to whether it is better for Renesmee to be raised around her vampire family with Edward or with Bella, Charlie, and some werewolves (I think it’s safe to say that with Edward gone Bella will be a more permanent fixture with the wolves and of course Jacob is not going anywhere). Let’s assume that Bella gets custody because after interviewing family, friends and Bella all report that Edward has always been a tad bit possessive, controlling, and suicidal (and that’s a whole other article) the GAL has recommended (and the judge agrees) to give Bella primary custody (although her judgment could be called into question, cliff diving so she could hear Edward’s voice, purposely cutting her arm to distract a certain redheaded vampire, trying to take on James alone, and let’s not forget, dating a vampire!!).

With Bella being designated the custodial parent that means Edward will be paying some child support. Since Edward is clearly voluntarily unemployed (just because he sparkles in the day doesn’t mean he can’t work the night shift ) his income will have to be imputed. Normally a table that has the average income for a person based on their age and gender would be used but I’m not sure what the imputed income of a 112 year old vampire would be.

Now let’s talk property, I guess this will really be more of chat, they don’t have much not together anyway. The biggest issue would probably be the house. It was a gift to Edward and Bella together, but I’m sure neither will want it. Since it seems likely this will be deemed community property it would probably make sense to sell it to Jasper and Alice or Emmett and Rosalie then split the proceeds. Bella will probably be allowed to keep the Mercedes Edward bought her and everything else Edward had previous will probably be deemed separate property (he’s got over a 100 years of stuff).

That pretty much sums it up. Bella will change her last name back to Swan and lucky for them both Renesmee grows so fast they will probably only have to co-parent for 6 months. They will lead separate lives until one day Edward turns on the TV and sees his daughter, his ex-wife, and Jacob on Jerry Springer because Bella tried to seduce Jacob away from Renesmee; at that moment Edward will know he made the right decision.

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